We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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