I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
