think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
