i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
