how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
