Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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