Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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