shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
