...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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