tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
