It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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