ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
