You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
