I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
