You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
