I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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