Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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