You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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