Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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