you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
