he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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