make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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