That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
time to smoke my breakfast
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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