This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
