the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
