i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
