just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
