From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize