We're facebook friends in real life
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
