I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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