Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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