I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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