you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Boobs are out for the taking
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
