Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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