Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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