I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
