do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
