My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
