I wannas sexs uuuuu
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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