In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
