you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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