A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
