Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
