So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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