Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
