I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have fence marks all over my body
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
