My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have aggressive nipples.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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