he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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