so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
