Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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