Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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