Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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