Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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