I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
