Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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