what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
