he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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