Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's like heaven, but drunker
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
