you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
