some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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