Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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